ADDICTIVE GUYS

incendiare: VHS ghost from 1993

Mon, 13 May 2013 22:50:45 -0400

incendiare:

VHS ghost from 1993

theocharles: Development mock up by me, model Lukas grout

Mon, 13 May 2013 12:43:17 -0400

theocharles:

Development mock up by me, model Lukas grout

Photo

Mon, 13 May 2013 12:43:13 -0400

pierredebusschere: RE-BEL X PIERRE DEBUSSCHERE-RE-WORK

Mon, 13 May 2013 12:41:41 -0400

pierredebusschere:

RE-BEL X PIERRE DEBUSSCHERE-RE-WORK

254forest: FLORIAN NEUVILLE BY PIERRE DEBUSSCHERE ©254FOREST

Mon, 13 May 2013 12:41:38 -0400

254forest:

FLORIAN NEUVILLE BY PIERRE DEBUSSCHERE

©254FOREST

pierredebusschere: DAZED X ROBBIE SPENCER X PIERRE DEBUSSCHERE

Mon, 13 May 2013 12:41:36 -0400

pierredebusschere:

DAZED X ROBBIE SPENCER X PIERRE DEBUSSCHERE

APR/08/2013

Wed, 08 May 2013 20:55:00 -0400

Life is so weird right now.

I’ve been having lots of family ‘issues’ and it’s really stressful.

One of my closest friends is in love with the same guy as me; he rejected my friend like a year ago. When I told him I loved him, he said that he wanted things to ‘flow naturally’, he said he loved me too, etc. But I barely see him anymore. I’m intimidated by the fucking massive amount of guys after him, they’re all perfect and sometimes I just have very low self-esteem (which makes things harder).

I’ve been running away from this guy because I was feeling insecure as fuck. Now I can’t find him. I need to tell him how I feel (again) and I need to know if this is going to work out. Maybe he is scared because we’ve known each other for a long time… and he said he loves me… stuff like this is scary for most people, but WHO FUCKING KNOWS.

Anyway, that’s not the worst part. My friend, the one who loves the same guy I love, found out about this story. We yelled at each other last week; he said stuff like “You only said he wasn’t the one for me because you’re in love with him!”, “You wanted me to move on because you wanted him for you”… and I genuinely thought I was being supportive during his emotional breakdowns. The thing is, I don’t even know anymore.

It’s stressful to be at home, I can’t hang out with my friends because of this ‘situation’, I’m failing terribly at school (again) and I’m having a crisis. Sometimes I hate myself so much I could cry. Sometimes, I feel optimistic, I feel like I can get through this, but then I have fights with mom, I feel like my friends push me away, I fail at my exams… and the person I love doesn’t even talk to me.

I’m genuinely confused; he never replies to my messages. When I see him, he’s so affectionate and lovely; he plays with my hair, hugs me, etc. but then he’s quiet, distant… weird.

I hate this. I want to cry almost all the time and I feel alone.

Have I ruined everything just for falling in love with my friend? I feel like I have alienated all of my friends and even myself.

I might feel better if he had said he didn’t love me. I would have to deal with it and move on. But no, he didn’t say yes, he did’t say no. I’m unable to ‘let things flow’ because we barely see each other. I’m ridiculously sad… and maybe I shouldn’t be.

This is not just another crush (that’s one of the things which make this hard as fuck)… I am genuinely in love. I know I’ve always loved him, I don’t want to force him to be different; I like his ‘bad side’; we’ve been through a lot together… and I feel loved when I’m with him, I feel special and I can’t care about anyone else. I’ve rejected like 6 guys just because I know I am in love with someone, not because I’m trying to be faithful to a relationship I don’t even have… I am being faithful to my own emotions and convictions.

Everything feels fucked up and broken right now and I have nowhere else to vent about it. So, here’s another personal post on my slightly perverted blog.